Do you ever have those late nights that you're tired physically, but mentally you can't get your mind to shut down? It's not that you're thinking about any one thing specifically, you just have random thoughts going through your head and you find yourself sitting in the dark, just watching your child sleep? She's laying there calm... Peaceful... Breathing, sleeping, dreaming, and curled up like a twisted pretzel hugging her stuffed animals/whatever toy she fell asleep with. For me she's also hooked up to her feeding pump. The only sounds in the house are her breathing, the pump, and the AC. These are moments are far and few between for me, but when I get the chance I take the opportunity to enjoy them. I love to watch my precious girl sleep.
It's times like this that thoughts like what my sister-in-law said to me not long ago pop into my head. She came to me at a cookout we were having and told me that she wanted me to know that she and her boyfriend talk about me. They talk about how they don't know how I do it, they don't know how I do everything that I do for my daughter. She tells me I'm such a good mom. She's told me this before and it brings tears to my eyes every time. I don't hear these things often and I don't expect to, so it always brings out that emotional side. I take care of my daughters "typical" and medical needs. I make sure she has what she needs and I love her unconditionally. She is the center of my world and my hero. I can't imagine living my life any other way. We sacrifice everything to make sure our children have what they need medically, physically, and emotionally. We put everything in our lives on hold to care for them... We often lose friends, quit jobs, become home bodies, sometimes stop going to family functions, and so much more. That's what life of a special needs mom is all about. We do it for our babies.